Pandora's Box

2007-03-21T13:16:00.000-04:00

The aftermath of chaos.

I am one of only a few people I know who fit the profile of a true extrovert. I absolutely gain momentum and energy from contact with others, preferably in large numbers. This weekend, I had an opportunity to both soak up refreshement and engage in the most thrilling part of an extrovert's life: Intelligent & Intense Conversation. My community co-hosted, along with many others, a weekend of memory, honor and relationship around the legacy of two of our brothers gone on to the church triumphant. I'd like to unpack some things which have been spinning around in my head, but first some fangirl squee.

OMG so many people!!!
Oh, and did I mention, people?
I actually had a house guest. Yep, me. And she's been living my life. Oh, and she stayed for two nights! Hey down in Lexington!
Wow, my internet crush is even hotter in real life than on his blog! Too bad I was terrified to speak to him.
It doesn't pay to idolize people because the reward you get from confessing your intimidation to them is an open door and a great hug! So much better than all of the angstyness you get from the aforementioned idolization. Plus, doesn't the Bible have something to say about idols?

Ok, so on to the unpacking. Without naming names and being accused of the sin of meanness, I was a little nonplussed by some of the ideas bandied about as new or innovative. Perhaps my good fortune in my early religious education is more valuable than I realize, but some of these thoughts were more contemporary to my man Luther and his pals. That having been said, the fact is that the conversation's direction indicated to me that the hard line between clergy and laity is getting much blurrier for all the right reasons. Not so much as to throw out the value of the true vocational aspect of ordained persons, but so as to affirm and restablish the role and function of the "priesthood of all believers" in what I firmly believe is a divinely instituted partnership. I won't go so far as to say I saw evidence of zeal per se, but the enthusiasm was encouraging. I would like to write something on my understanding of the roles of clergy/laity, but another time. (NB: I promise not to let it be a year from now!)

Another astonishing moment for me was connecting the dots between a getting-to-know-you conversation and some really gritty, in-the trenches approaches to reading/sharing scripture. Bob, if you ever read this, your candid words spoke volumes to me. I'm not certain I'll ever approach ministry/evangelism with the same distaste as I once did. This is an enormous breakthrough for me. Growing up Lutheran, sharing scripture is not something one did. Reading the bible in groups was almost unheard of outside the context of the lectionary portions for that week's worship gathering. The approach in which you connect to the reality of your friends/parishoners/brothers&sisters has shamed me and given me new eyes to see the truth of Christ. For that, I'm not sure I can ever adequately thank you. I hope to honor your courage and openness to the Spirit in the day to day life I choose to lead from here on out.

One more thing I'll leave you all with is the open-ended conversation the Kecks were willing to start on Femininity and gender roles, especially within the church. I had one of those fleeting, crystalline moments where I accepted a place at the table. Those of you who know anything about me will understand that I've been dragging a mantle of victimness around when it comes to being worthy to participate in the big conversations about important ideas. I've dropped that, finally! Praise be to Christ. In it's place, I've a new drive to really ask myself, and others, what does it mean to be a woman, or feminine. This is, hopefully, a lifelong pursuit. We'll see. But as I've written to a friend, I'm not sure we'll see the fruits of the new paradigm in our lifetime. The thing is, though, that we might be able to create a way of being that shows the generational hurts surrounding women & the church as a moment of historical anomaly instead of the true plan for creation. more on this to come.

So, in summation, this was a watershed moment for me. Some of the baggage I've been dragging for my entire adult lfe has fallen away. Some new questions are percolating in this big brain of mine. My heart feels the presence of Spirit now more than ever before. Lord take my life and lead me. Allow me the grace of understanding the path you've set. Give me the strength and courage to continue moving ever more close to you. Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

2006-08-02T08:33:00.000-04:00

Caving in to peer pressure

I think that part of why I retreat from this public airing of my ideas is because I get caught up in the notion that I have to be liked by everyone in the world. If I have something to say that is in the least controversial, I might upset some people and then I won't be liked. See how the circle goes? Vicious and not helpful in the least. I am so tired of dragging that crap around with me. It is draining and impoverishing to say nothing of the damage it does to my daughter and my friends/family.

Kinda selfish when you really break it down. I mean, if I censor what I want to say so as not to offend, I'm lying. (By this I mean changing the essence of the thought rather than choosing my words carefully). If I don't write anything, I'm lying. (Because I really do have things to say and opinions and stuff). If all I do is recount the minutia of my daily life, I'm not sharing ideas and possibly stirring up some great debate or something that approximates a discussion.

Understand that I didn't start this thing years ago to simply be my memory box. I wanted to improve my writing by putting it in a public forum. I hoped to connect with the outside world during the time my daughter was tiny and I needed to be at home with her. Now it's, what? 5 years later? Lots of things have changed, most for the better. I'm finding myself with more to say. I've said most of this stuff before as a resolution to post more often. I think I'll just leave this lie here. I'm tired of going in circles. I'm ready to move along.

So, in the intrest of no one but me and my mad writing skills, throw some topics at me. What would you, my surprisingly faithful readers, like to see here? I won't make wild promises, but if one or more of you give me something meaty, I agree to credit you as the muse! Unless you don't like what I have to say. Then I'll just run away again.....Not!

2005-11-17T14:46:00.000-05:00

Sssshhhh...Don't tell anyone what you're thinking. You have no leg to stand on with that line of thought. Your voice shouldn't be heard. You don't have a degree, so you have no right to engage in big, intellectual discussions. Boys don't marry girls who are too smart for their own good, so go over and talk about homey stuff with the rest of the women.....

Get the gist?

These are the lies the enemy whispers to me. These are the lies I've believed for most of my adult life. In some small moments, I am able to squelch the white noise they use to distract me from my life. Mostly, though, I buy in to what they say and become smaller, diminish and go into the West.

So why does this come up today in particular? Because of the big to-do at my house this weekend. Some of the big thinkers in our tribe will be breaking out the God-Talk. I long to jump in, but am fettered by the fear I harbor, based on the lies I believe. Please, please, please let me put this fear aside. Let me understand that I do have a voice and it deserves to be heard. Please let me be who I am, unafraid and joyfully.....Please, God, let me be the me you made.

2005-11-03T12:03:00.000-05:00

Kyrie Eleison

I have just engaged in a flame war on Aaron's blog comments. Noone EVER said I was particularly bright, but something just told me to go with this. I'm just a bulldog when it seems as if someone is attacking one of mine. Go check it out if you get a chance. He's at kline.blogspot.com....Pray mercy for me, too, while you're at it.

2005-10-26T15:29:00.000-04:00

Dear Everyone who still checks in here....

I am in a transitional phase right now. My corporate job is sucking my soul and I need to make some SERIOUS changes in my worklife. To that end I toss you all this nugget:

I am looking for a new job or means of income. I need to clear at least $1200/mo to meet my expenses and maintain my current ability to support my child. I can only work Mon-Fri 9-3 and need benefits. I want to do something which is not terribly related to a corporate entity. I have serious skills surrounding editing and all things bookish. I have managed people from both sides of the bar and have made my living selling stuff. I am not afraid of hard work. Oh yeah, and I want to go back to school ASAP to finish my degree.

I realize that there are many more worthy causes to support, but I figured I'd toss this out. If you have any leads or spare cash (LOL), send them my way.....

2005-09-29T08:32:00.000-04:00

Shiny!!!

Tomorrow night's the night. I would be remiss if I didn't thank my very good friend, Thurman for opening my eyes to the wonder that is the Serenity 'verse. This has been a good year for cinematic anticipation: Star Wars (don't go there, we covered THAT ground months ago), Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, Serenity and Narnia all in one year. Wow. But this week is for all things Joss. So the shindig's all set to happen and I'm all shiny inside.

And now for something that will not surprise anyone:

You scored as Hoban 'Wash' Washburne. The Pilot. You are a leaf on the wind, see how you soar. You have a good job, and a stunning wife who loves you (and can kill people). Life is good, which is why you can't help smiling. Now if you can just get people to actually listen to your opinion things would be perfect.

Hoban 'Wash' Washburne

100%

Kaylee Frye

75%

Zoe Alleyne Washburne

69%

Simon Tam

63%

Shepherd Derrial Book

63%

The Operative

63%

River Tam

56%

Inara Serra

50%

Capt. Mal Reynolds

50%

Jayne Cobb

38%

Which Serenity character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

2005-09-27T08:49:00.000-04:00

Ok....Here we go.

For those of you in the know, I have a message for one of you. Yes, you. You know who you are. Two words and a tag line:

Game On!!!!!

ps...love you!

2005-09-21T10:26:00.000-04:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

2005-08-17T08:27:00.000-04:00

I just can't seem to understand.....

Christian leader stabbed to death

Brother Roger is known by thousands of young ChristiansThe 90-year-old founder of the French-based Taize Christian ecumenical community has been stabbed to death at a prayer service.
Police detained a woman after the assault on Swiss-born Roger Schutz, who was known as Brother Roger.
Around 2,500 young people were at the Reconciliation church in Burgundy at the time of the attack.
Brother Roger founded the community during World War II to provide refuge to people of all Christian churches.
Brother Alois, 51, nominated by who Brother Roger as his successor, was returning from the World Youth Day jamboree in Cologne to take his place, a community spokesman said.
Taize unites members of several Christian denominations from some 30 countries and attracts tens of thousands of young people each year for prayers and meditation.
Shock and confusion
Some of those at evening prayers on Tuesday are reported to have overpowered a Romanian woman after Brother Roger was stabbed.
"We are in shock, there is a lot of confusion here, nobody understands what happened," a nun told AFP news agency.
It is a very sad piece of news which touches me all the more in that I received only yesterday a moving letter from him."
Pope Benedict XVI, due to travel to Cologne on Thursday for World Youth Day, said he was particularly dismayed at news of Brother Roger's death as he had received "a moving letter from him" only this week.
Brother Roger had written to say he was sorry that he could not attend the celebrations himself because of his ill-health.
German Prelate Heiner Koch said all the participants in World Youth Day were praying for "this great figure".
The president of the French Bishops' Conference, Archbishop of Bordeaux Jean-Pierre Ricard, has written to the Taize community expressing his "deep grief" after the murder of "this great figure of a researcher and witness of God, impassioned by unity among Christians and reconciliation".

2005-07-23T11:29:00.000-04:00

Good Morning from the second day of my vacation...

I am sitting in an internet cafe in the small town I call my homeplace. It's weird because my only choices to go online were at my parent's (but with the dreaded dial-up), the Krystal (for the uninitiated,a Southern version of White Castel, but with much better sliders!) or here. I'm happily ensconsed in a corner table, marvelling at the fact that it's non-corporate and owned by an old regular at the bar I tended here 15 years ago.....I am feeling so incredibly good and light right now. I drove 8 hours on back roads through Kentucky and Tennessee to get here yesterday, putting more joy in my heart with each passing mile. I had a marvelous dinner at my parent's home with no less than 4 choices of fresh vegetables from their garden. I went out to the honky-tonk I call my local and was flirted with by an old crush. I got home at midnight and was awakened at 6am local time by Corgi kisses from my parent's dog. How much better could it get?

My father and I have planned my route for the next leg to Asheville and life is good! I leave around 7 am tomorrow and have mountain back roads all the way. I'll be trying to write a little everyday, so that I can have this as a reminder for when I get back and he daily grind of my mundane life presses into me. Maybe I can even get a bit of inspiration and write something of substance during this brief trip. The mountains are calling. Can you hear their voices, a siren call to my soul?

2005-07-13T09:11:00.000-04:00

2005-07-11T13:25:00.000-04:00

I've joined the i-generation

I finally did it. I actually bought an Apple product. On purpose and in the fruity mecca itself.....It's little and shiny and PINK! It's also empty. So here I sit at work and jones away for my music collection so I can begin to fill the 4G inside the shiny, pink box with audible goodies. Now, I don't think I have anywhere near 4G of stuff, so if you want to help a sister out, call me and come over to feed Babette....

2005-05-11T22:20:00.000-04:00

You'd think I'd learn a lesson the first time, but no..I have to go and rip the scabs off everytime I think I've healed. So here I am, naked and terribly ashamed. I knew better. I know better. It's just not going to happen for me.ever.again. I need to understand that simple fact and get comfortable with it. If I can just grasp this fact, I might have a shot at letting this anger and deep,deep sadness go. I might have some sort of opportuniy to heal. It's just that this melancholy is so familiar and my little world inside my head is so much less lonely than the one I live in every day.

And while I'm on a rant....let me just get it off my chest. The daily act of living a life is really no big deal. You just get over yourself and move on with things. Journal if you need to (I do)...Exercise(I don't)...But just move on. There is such an epidemic of sense of entitlement in these United States today. I am fed up to my teeth with being over people who think life is supposed to be fun and easy every day. It's not and we all know it so let's just get over it. If you think your poor little self has it rough, walk a mile in my shoes...Or better yet, check out some of our neigbors on this big blue marble. How would you like to have to raise your kids on a junk heap? Not so kosher, eh? Just get over yourselves and move on.

BTW, if you read this blog on any regular basis, this was not for you. I only make this disclaimer because of what happened last time I needed to vent.

Outie.

2005-04-26T13:22:00.000-04:00

Kevin Rains was blogging the other day about what it would look like if Jesus were our "Senior Pastor". I've been thinking about that and was challenged last night in a conversation around the dinner table to consider whether the Bible should be a blue print for our lives together as the church. These two trains of thought meander through many issues with which we are confronted in our lives. Should we pay pastoral staff? Is there a right way to raise our kids? So many diverse things....I am posting this testimony transcript below to weigh in. I realize the subject they are debating can be divisive, but suspend your convictions for a minute and hear what this pastor has to say. I think you might see what it means to follow Christ a little more clearly.....

BAPTIST PASTOR TESTIFIES IN SOUTH CAROLINA

The Rev. Dr. Robert Shrum, Pastor, Oakland Baptist Church, Rock Hill SC Remarks Senate Judiciary Subcommittee Hearing On the Proposed Constitutional Amendment Barring Gay Marriage

Room 306, Senate Office Building (Gressette Building)
March 31, 2005 (1:30 p.m.)
By the Rev. Dr. Robert Dale Shrum

Greetings
Chairman Ford, Senator Hawkins, Senator Cleary and Senator Hutto:

Good afternoon, and thank you for hearing me today. I am Bob Shrum, and I am a resident of Rock Hill where I have been the pastor of the Oakland Baptist Church for over 22 years. I have served two other Baptist congregations in Sumter and Pendleton. My pastoral service to Baptist churches in South Carolina has spanned more than 34 consecutive years. I grew up in Florence, and graduated from the University of South Carolina. I have deep roots here, and I love this state of ours. I am Sandlapper to the core. My remarks to you this afternoon grow, basically, out of two loves: my love of the Lord, Jesus Christ, and what I have learned through the years of him, and my love of this wonderful state where most of my almost 60 years have been spent. Please hear them in that light.

Body of Remarks
First of all, let me tell you that I speak for myself. I do not speak for the Oakland Baptist Church in Rock Hill or any other group or individual. If any of you are Baptist, you know that Baptists do not speak for each other. We're funny that way. We like our independence and resent it when others pretend to speak for us. Additionally, you should know that I am not gay, nor do I have---to my knowledge--- any family members who are gay. Quite simply, my remarks to you grow from conscience and deeply held convictions informed by Christian faith and over 40 years study of the Scriptures.

Let me tell you a story. When I was a little boy growing up in Florence, my Daddy was the manager of the Goodyear Tire Store on Irby St. He was good at what he did. Everybody admired him, and so did I. He was a Deacon in the First Baptist Church where we were members. One night---long after we had gone to bed---the telephone rang. It was from one of the men who worked back in his service department. He was in jail over in Marion and needed somebody to come get him out, so he called my Daddy. His crime? He was black and driving around after midnight, and it was in the 1950's. They arrested him on the pretense of suspicious behavior. In the wee hours of the morning my Daddy climbed into his '56 Ford with a T Bird engine and flew over to Marion. Not only did he get his employee out of jail that night, but the local sheriff got a real large piece of my Daddy's mind when he tried to laugh it all off and say "no harm done." I asked him about it the next night. I was 12 years old, and I wanted to know why he went to all the trouble. His explanation, "Bobby, it just wasn't right." I learned a lesson from my Daddy that night that I carry into this room today: IT'S JUST PLAIN NOT RIGHT TO TREAT FOLKS LIKE THEY DON'T COUNT---LIKE THEY'RE NOT REAL PEOPLE.

But there's something else I bring into this room today. I have to believe it's a big part of what my Daddy took to that jail in Marion that night. It's the life, influence and example of Jesus, himself. Now, if you're not a Christian, maybe that's not all that important to you. But I am a Christian, and it's real important to me, so I have to speak out of what, in my heart, is foundational. And, for me, it's Jesus. It's not Leviticus. It's not even Paul because sometimes Paul sends mixed signals. It's not the Pope. It's not denominational headquarters. It's not the religious figures who speak so loudly and authoritatively so as to drown out all those who would differ. I look to Jesus when I am puzzled and don't have all the answers like I wish I had. I had a teacher in seminary. Old Testament teacher. Clyde Francisco was his name. Dr. Francisco used to tell us, "Now boys, remember this: whenever you get stumped trying to understand the meaning of something in the Bible, just let Jesus be your interpreter. Let the spirit of Christ be your guide, and you won't go wrong."

And that's what I try to do. And, to tell the truth, it's not always so easy. It's not easy because lots of times I would rather let my prejudices guide me. After all, I've lived long enough to know what's right and what's wrong, and I'd like to think that most of the time I'm right, and those who don't agree with me are wrong. That's why I have to try real hard to let the spirit of Christ be my guide. And whenever I've been successful at pulling that off, I never go wrong. And I commend that to you today if you're in a quandary about what to do with this big, big question you're dealing with. If you approach it with the spirit of Christ, you won't go wrong.

So, what does the spirit of Christ look like? What does it smell like? What does it sound like? It's a bunch of blue collar fishermen. It's a despised tax collector. It's a colony of lepers. It's a hated Roman soldier with a sick son. It's hungry people being fed. It's the children who they tried to keep quiet and out of sight. It's a woman married five times that he made feel worthy. It's another woman caught in adultery that the religious establishment wanted to execute, but he set her free. It's a Samaritan man who the church people hated, but Jesus made him a hero. It was a little old lady so poor that she only had a few pennies for the offering plate, and Jesus held her up as an example for the ages. It was a woman of the streets who became one of his best friends. It was a thief on a cross that he took home with him. You see, the religious experts of his time called him a drunk and a glutton because he went to parties with them, and they despised him because he hung out
with the folks who were on the margins of respectable society---the disenfranchised ones---the ones they called the dregs of society. And they killed him for it. BUT THAT WAS HIS SPIRIT. And it was a spirit that ultimately would not, could not go wrong. Last Sunday---Easter---amidst all our "Hallelujahs, He is risen" we reminded ourselves that it is that kind of spirit that will always, always prevail. Easter tells us that God will not allow the spirit of Christ to be defeated. We may try to kill it with our hateful attitudes, but at the end of the day, it will be our hateful attitudes toward "the least of these" that will go down to defeat.

Can't we see it? Jesus refused to marginalize any segment of society. They were all God's children and therefore brothers and sisters to each other. And he only reserved his harshest word for the religious/ political establishment which had become quite adept at fixing their constitutions to separate the decent folk from the different folk. He said they were like tombstones---pretty and white on the outside, but dead and empty on the inside.

So, I appeal to you today. Let the Spirit of Christ guide you even if you are not a Christian. You won't go wrong if you do. Do not use the Constitution of our beloved state to marginalize a segment of our citizenry. Do not listen to the fear-mongers. They have always been among us throughout our history trying to scare us with their doomsday scenarios, trying to marginalize one segment of society and then another. And, they have always been proven wrong at the end of the day. Trust the spirit of Christ. Trust Easter. Or as my Daddy might have said, "IT'S JUST PLAIN NOT RIGHT TO TREAT FOLKS LIKE THEY DON'T COUNT."

Thank you for your time.

2005-04-19T20:19:00.000-04:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% Dixie

35% General American English

10% Yankee

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Look...I can cut and paste, y'all

2005-04-07T16:03:00.000-04:00

Funny, but not funny Ha Ha.....

I know who you are (Aaron, Brandon or Kevin) and where you sleep!

Just sayin'

2005-03-21T17:37:00.000-05:00

Honey, please don't hug the meat.....
there in the store
This is what I found myself saying at the grocery store the other night. My daughter has been toying with the idea of becoming a vegetarian for some time now. She really loves animals and has just begun to realize that meat is the end result of killing animals. She's not down with that, but can't quite give up poultry. This in itself is a story for another day and I digress, so back to the story at hand. So we were in the store and I turn around to see Emma-Rose hugging a package of bacon. I have to tell her not to hug it and she looks at me and says, "but, Mommy, I'm hugging it because I want it to still be an animal and alive and free." I cried. Right there in the store. A life affirming moment in Wild Oats. Thank you, Jesus.

2005-02-25T09:22:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on Community, Commitment and Corporate Worship…

I have been caught up in a conversation about “why we (VC, non-liturgical churches, American Christians, etc..) don’t worship better in a corporate way?”. I suppose I could cop out and just give you some BS about how I don’t understand not worshipping that way and we’re supposed to do it that way because this is what the Church has done for thousands of years and all of y’all who don’t should burn as heretics. But what would that accomplish? Just a flame war and much offense to people I love. I will say that I really am trying to explore where my more Evangelical/Charismatic brothers and sisters are coming from. Here are a few thoughts I keep coming back to…

I think that we, as American Christians, have this idea that we can have all that we need through a personal relationship with Jesus. Just me and Jesus. An entire industry has sprung up around this idea. Now don’t misunderstand, I BELIEVE in the necessity of a relationship with Christ. I’m just not convinced that it is ALL we need to be the Body

I think that community, with all of its joys and challenges, has fallen victim to devaluation by the “I can do it on my own” mentality which has taken over our American life.

I think that there are many people who are carrying baggage from perceived damage in the institutional church which makes it very hard for them to participate in corporate worship.

I think that in some denominations and in some individual churches, the beauty and passion of liturgical worship has had all of the life sucked out of it and has become dry and unable to nourish anyone. This example has turned some people off of the idea of liturgical worship.

I think that the idea of liturgy is strange and unfriendly to many who have never experienced it. This is also cause for distance and fractiousness. It’s alienating and I don’t know how to make it better and less scary.

All of these ideas seem to mix together with the individualism we preach here in America. I know that it is not healthy for me to keep trying to go it on my own. I’ve learned that the hard way. But is it wrong thinking to continue in my belief that everyone else needs the same community? Is it working at cross-purposes to try to create a space for corporate worship within the context of my community of faith? Is it just going to cause more division and dissent and fracture more relationships to take a stand for the liturgy at this point? See, I just keep coming up with more questions. What I guess I’m trying to say is that while I feel called to do this work on worship, I’m discouraged. I’m confused and just want to be able to have dialogue about what our needs for worship are without causing more trouble.

2005-02-16T14:51:00.000-05:00

The Italian Spring of Ms. Gross.....

I wish:
thought this would elicit some drool..... :-) -------- Original Message --------
Subject:
Eucharist & Eschatology Conference in Orvieto, Italy
Date:
Tue, 15 Feb 2005 18:32:07 -0800
From:
ARTSpace-Fuller Seminary
To:
ARTSpace Mailing List Hi ARTSpace Friends,
If you are a Fuller student studying worship, theology, and the arts,
there's a study opportunity at a conference in Italy this spring that you
should know about....
>From May 2530, 2005, an important international conference entitled
"Eucharist and Eschatology" will be convened in the beautiful medieval city
of Orvieto in Italy. Students and scholars from Europe and America will
gather to focus on this theological theme in the context of the iconography
of the world famous Duomo di Orvieto (Cathedral of Orvieto).
The goal of the conference/study opportunity is to develop the capacity for
an interdisciplinary understanding of the relation between art and theology
and apply this approach to the study of one of the recognized monuments of
medieval and Renaissance Italy: the Cathedral of Orvieto. The artistic and
theological program of the Orvieto di Duomo gives concentrated expression to
two themes--Eucharist and eschatology--relevant not only for European
culture of the Renaissance and Reformation, but for our own
apocalyptically-minded age.
Fuller professor Bill Dyrness will be giving a paper at the conference and
invites a very limited number of students to accompany him to the
conference. This will give students a rare opportunity to be exposed to
some of the best scholarship on medieval art and theology, and to interact
personally with scholars in this unique setting.
>From this experience, a directed reading course with Dr. Dyrness on this
conference is available for the spring quarter. A limited number of spaces
in a bed and breakfast near the Duomo are being held, $60.00 - $75.00 per
night (depending on the fluctuation of the Euro).
Please contact Dr. Dyrness directly for further information: 626-587-5240
or wdyrness@fuller.edu.
Deadline for sign-up: March 15, 2005
Justin Bell & Kara Stewart
Co-Chairs‹Artspace/Arts Concerns Committee
Fuller Theological Seminary
www.artspacefts.com
Kara: 626 584-5694
Kara: FullerArts@SuperEstrella.com
Justin: 626 396-6085
Justin: ARTSpace@fuller.edu

Dream this dream with me, boys and girls, we have a beautiful cathedral here in Norwood. When she's all fixed up, let's throw a party like this here on our turf. Let's get down deep in the soil and mix it up. Dream this dream with me!

2005-02-16T14:45:00.000-05:00

One more to up the ante....

I have been so slack in blogging lately. I could sit at this keyboard and go on about all of the stuff I have been doing which has taken up my time, but isn't that so terribly boring? I think so. I'd rather just let people imagine all of these crazy adventures I've been on. Like the one with the pirates....Or the Goth kids....Or the baglady who turns out to be an angel.....Use your imagination.

What I would like to say is that Emma-Rose and I are moved in but not-quite settled into the Brownhouse. I still need to purge so much crap it's not funny. But baby steps.....

Big doins this weekend at VC. Lots of big ideas and profound thoughts about art , worship, community and connecting gonna be bandied about. Can't wait. Come and play. It's on at 6pm Friday....Seriously, come play.

2005-02-16T14:24:00.000-05:00

Blog for Palmer day

Mark Palmer is a much-loved leader in Columbus, Ohio. I'll leave it to those who know him well to sing his praises. Suffice it to say he works hard for the Kingdom here on earth. Way too many health and family issues have been visited upon his household over the last few years,so his own battle with cancer is one too many. Please join me and lift the Palmers, Mark, Amy and Micah up in prayer for healing and peace.....

http://www.livejournal.com/~palmerlp/

2005-02-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

I just got home from the monthly allgroup worship gathering. I have been having a hard time getting into the feel of Lent this year and as hoping to get a sense of direction or solidarity from my brothers and sisters tonight. That didn't happen, but what did come to me was some thought on what I can focus on during his time we walk with Jesus to the cross. I am a liturgist. This is a gift given to me by God to further our efforts to glorify and worship him. I don't want to be the "liturgy nazi", but a few thoughts have occurred to me:

Why does this style of worship seem so "consumer" to many?
Has our laid back VC sense of time begun to interfere with our worship?
What can I do to help foster a love for this style of worship?
How can VC use all of the gifts she has been given to create our own, home-grown litugic sensibility?

All these (and so much more) are running around my head, demanding to be answered.

This was what I wrote on Saturday and I am still chewing on this and other things.

2005-01-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

Ok Rains.....Here we go....

Nothing like the feeling of actually being called on it when you ask for accountability. I think that I have the impression that no one actually pays attention to or honors those requests because to do so would mean you've committed to going deeper with someone. This is a very scary commitment, just like a marriage or a vow or any number of other important public statements. We don't like these serious moments. We run from them as our default position. I'm not sure if it's a uniquely American trait or if it's something this age of political correctness has convinced us is the polite and proper thing to do. I do know that I hate it. I think it makes cowards of us all.

I'll be the first one to admit that I am not always the most tactful person. I don't have the gene that filters my thoughts before they come out of my mouth. On more than one occasion, I have unintentionally offended someone. You may be one of those who have been hurt or offended. If so, know that I am sorry. But I think this inability of mine has saved me, to a certain extent, from falling victim to this political correctness that very subtly makes us liars. No, I'm not saying that I have never uttered such watered-down language, nor will I never again do so. I work in the corporate world where this is the way you keep your job. I need my income. But it has allowed me to step back from it and see what it does. The idea that we must tip-toe through life without going far enough below the surface to offend is ridiculous. But it has become such a common compromise that it has seeped into almost every arena of our everday lives. Have you ever asked someone "How are you doing?" and realized you really DIDN'T want to know? Have you found yourself using 47 words to describe a person or situation so as not to offend? It takes some work and dilutes meaning.

See where I'm going with this?

It takes guts to stand up in the everyday and be truthful and loving. It takes a commitment to integrity to be your honest self in a world like ours. The easy way is to follow the crowd and gloss over the difficult or uncomfortable. I admit I do from time to time. I see a situation or conversation so hard that I just choose to skim it and move on to the next place. I am a coward in those moments. I look back and realize that I am diminished and small and not the person I want to be.

Jesus had moments like this. He faced all kinds of ridicule and danger and yet spoke the truth in love (and sometimes anger, but that for another day). I'm not Christ or even very Christ-like. I am a broken person, yet I strive to be more like him.

Pray God I can do it more often!

2004-11-24T19:48:00.000-05:00

Ok...So maybe not QUITE the end!

I was hoping that some time away would make me less angry and more able to accept differences as simply that, differences. I think I have the differences part pretty well down. I am not, however, less angry. If anything, I am more angry and upset with the fact that, still, after all these years, I am still allowing other people to dictate my feelings and behavior. So, in an attempt to work that out in a semi-public forum for some accountability, I am blogging again. I am going to use this space to say what I feel. I will not name names. I will not make things so obvious that any moron could figure out who or what I'm talking about. I will not engage in flame wars. That having been said, if you choose to delete me from your blogroll or choose to stop reading, peace to you on your journey! I wish you nothing but joy and freedom in Christ.

Moving along......Thanksgiving is here. I am alone this year. Now wait, before you start to feel sorry for me, hear me out. I am alone by CHOICE. It's no secret that I have a daughter and that that daughter has a schmuck for a father. During the last 7 years, holidays for me have been hell. I've been forced to spend them with his psychotic family and all of their drama. Yep, I know what you're thinking, I could have said no to attending the mad tea parties with the inmates, but, being a martyr-complex kind of girl, I avoided the confrontation my refusal of the invitation would have brought , and went anyway. This year, I finally got a spine and said thank you, but no. My little girl is with them and enjoying herself. This is as it should be. She'll find out how crazy and just plain wrong they are in due time. This year, it is all about self-preservation and respect for myself. I am a little unsure of what to do with myself and all this free time. I mean I don't have to be a mommy until Saturday, WOW!!! Oh, wait, I mean wow...See, I am so not comfortable just being me. It's like I forgot how or something. I know we change and evolve when we become parents, but do we have to become people we don't know? I think that's what happened to me.

For example. Tonight is the biggest meet-n-greet of the year. The night before Thanksgiving is when everyone goes out to a bar for socializing and all that other fun stuff. It's a bigger bar night than New Year's Eve. 8 years ago, I would have known what to do and where to go. Not that I am or ever have been a bar fly, but it's fun to go out with friends or even go out alone to meet new people. Tonight, I have absolutely no clue where I'd go if I could get my courage up to leave the house after dark. Yes, I am a big sissy when it comes to social situations.

And that in itself brings me back to the beginning of this rant or confession or whatever you want to call it. This coward is not me. I am a person who loves to be social. I love people and all of the joy and pain of relationship. How did I end up so insecure that I let my perception of what others think of me dictate the person I've become? Is it my weight gain? Is it the betrayal I've had from every man I ever loved? Is it the stigma I carry of being a single mother? I think it's all these and more. I think it's lies I believe about myself. I think it's being from a small southern town. I think it's ......Wanna know what I really think? I think it's time to show you all who I really am. I think it's time to leave this burden of pain behind.

I'm brash and witty and sometimes bitingly sarcastic. I'm intelligent and well-read and not afraid of debate. I'm incredibly talkative and sociable. I'm compassionate and deeply caring of the people I love. I am a geek and a nerd and damn proud of it. I have passion for things you have never heard of and I live in those passions. I love often and deeply. I am loyal and faithful. I love the Lord and want to proclaim Him. Stop me sometime and ask me to introduce you to the me I really am. I don't bite.....much!

2004-11-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

The End.